Lulama

Lulama (called Lulu) is Gogo Hester's oldest daughter, and Pearl's mother. Sandwiched between those two talkers, Lulu is usually very quiet. She doesn't miss much, though, and is so easy to laugh. She works in Cape Town where she is a hotel maid, and she can't seem to keep from making up my bed if I leave it a mess. I told her she didn't have to do that, but she said she likes to see me surprised. I think she is uncommonly beautiful.

Lulu's husband - Pearl's father - died about four years ago. Lulu doesn't talk much about this, but Gogo told me the whole story. When Lulu's husband died, Gogo was suspicious about the cause. Since Gogo was formerly a nurse, somehow she was able to get hold of his medical records, and confirmed her suspicions that he did not have tuberculosis, as reported, but rather he died of AIDS-related illness. The medical record indicated that he had been diagnosed several years prior. At that time, Gogo began pressuring Lulu to be tested. Finally she learned that she was indeed HIV-positive, and she began the extensive regimen of medications. Fortunately for South Africans, the state sponsors medical care for everyone, so the drugs that Lulu needed - which are extremely expensive in the United States - are provided to her without cost. Lulu knows that I know that she has HIV, but we only talk about it in terms of how she is feeling on a given day, or if she is especially tired.

On my first day here, Gogo told me this story and talked at length about her feelings toward Lulu's husband. She said, "It is so hard, because he is not a son-in-law to me, he is like a son, and I loved him so much." She said at first she was very angry at him, because it was clear that he knew his HIV-status for some time and hid it from Lulu. She did not discuss where or how he might have contracted the disease. Eighteen percent of all South Africans are HIV-positive, and the massive social and cultural stigma surrounding the disease results in much secrecy on the part of the individual and also friends and family members. It is likely that the weight of this stigma kept Lulu's husband from disclosing his status even upon his death.

Gogo says she has forgiven Lulu's husband for his deceit and for infecting her with HIV. She said, "I can never forgive those who killed my children, but I can forgive him. He has also suffered." I didn't press her on the issue that in the end, he will have also killed one of her children. The truth of the matter is that Lulu stands to live a long life. When treated with anti-retrovirals, good nutrition, and proper self-care, HIV-infected individuals may live out a normal life expectancy. Had Gogo not told me about Lulu's situation, I would never have guessed that she was sick. She often looks tired, but is in general a strong, quietly happy person.

This South African website provides a list of common myths about HIV/AIDS with special attention to the epidemic in Africa. And this website should settle any concern that living with an HIV-infected person puts me at any higher risk of contracting the virus. This Washington Post article describes in detail the social stigma under which many HIV/AIDS patients suffer here in South Africa.